Tag Archives: Writing

Posting my family’s picture…

I’m not a fan of frequent visiting facebook but whenever I do, I observe that many people post photos of their kids or their family.  It speaks of many things, for me.  I admit I’m not a family-attached person or so I think.  Maybe not a fan of posting pictures of my family on the net… It’s just too personal I guess to me that I do not need to tell the whole world that “hey! this is my family.”  

I guess I can attribute that to my being an introvert.  One friend of mine used to say, “You’re an introvert but sociable.”  At first, I didn’t buy it,  But now, I’m starting to consider if that really is in fact true.

Well, going back, I like talking too.  But not to many people.  Only a few that I like to talk to or listen to.  And that sometimes make it hard for me to relate to the world, I accept that.  I am more of a listener or just hearing stories of people that interest me make me forget about everything.  And that, I guess, is the fundamental thing about human relationship.

Photos of family make you think of family.  That it is important to you and that you are happy with it.  But sometimes, as I see people posting things like that, it somehow make me see a mask in their own lives.  And instead of feeling great about the post on their family, I somehow see the loneliness of the people who post it.

Since I am an introvert, i guess i see more of what’s inside than from what’s outside.  There are some people especially parents who become more preoccupied with their children’s lives than finding happiness of their own.  And that I think is where the loneliness is coming from.  Most of the time, these are people who i think believe that obligation is the best expression of love for their family.

Once, I said in my facebook status, “Love is not an obligation.”  That is, for me.  Although of course, there are times that I felt like obligation is more important than my own quelling of loneliness, oh well, I give the obligation due consideration.

Oh well, there are those who believe that everything is a choice.  And there are others who believe in destiny.  And for me, given my personality of being young all the time, it’s a combination of both or simply, I’m not the planner type.  So whether you like my post or not, it’s just something that I want to share and it makes me see who I am.  For me, my family is my family.  And now I see, without your family, you don’t have anything.  Whether related by blood or not, whoever you consider as family, that’s what makes you the kind of human being that you are.

This is just my opinion or maybe my point of view. Perhaps, my outlook in life?  Or what I call, how I see things.  It’s a never ending search and somehow, every step is a destination.  In truth, my family is someone who I encounter who think this same way.

 

I Katha

*Tala:  Wala pang pamagat ang kathang ito kung kaya’t sa ngayo’y ito muna ang aking tanda: I Katha o “Fiction Part I”.

 

Kapag umusbong ang isang nangungusap ng pilosopiya, makikilala kaya ito na ito’y bahagi ng kanyang kalikasan?  Pagka’t siya ay may malayang kaisipan na binubuo ng kanyang diwa’t pagmamahal.  Hindi ba’t may ilang makata na di mawari ang pag-ibig na kanyang ibinabahagi sa kanyang mga tula ngunit sa pagtatagpo lamang ng isip at puso nauunawaan ang kahulugan.

Hindi ko akalain na matatagpuan ko ang ganitong lugar.  Ang dimensyon kung saan ika’y makalilikha ng mundong gusto mong kalagyan.  Sino ang makapagsasabing may kapangyarihan kang lumikha?

 

 

*Ito ay aking inspirasyong nahango sa mga aklat na sulat ni Neil Gaiman.  Hindi ko siya nabasa, pahapyaw lamang ngunit nabigyan ako nito ng ganitong ideya sa pagsusulat ng maaaring patunguhan ng aking kwentong katha kung ito ma’y magtuloy sa isang mahabang kwento.

Ang Pinakamagandang Food Court

Filipino

Dahil mahilig akong kumain ng mga maliliit na serving ng pagkain, lagi akong kumakain sa mga food court.  Gustung-gusto ko bumibili sa mga food booth na partikular lamang ang tinitindang pagkain o inumin.  Tulad ng sa inumin, ang paborito ko ay calamansi at buko.  Hangga’t maaari ay mayroon nito sa aking kakainan at kung wala naman ay dalandan, four seasons o lemongrass.

Sa lahat ng food court sa mall na nakainan ko sa Pilipinas, ang food court sa Landmark Trinoma (sa hilagang bahagi ng EDSA, Quezon City) ang pinakamaganda, pinakamalinis at pinakamahusay ang serbisyo at sistema.

Ito ang lugar na kung saan ang pakiramdam ko ay para akong nasa Singapore. Halos pareho ang itsura ng istruktura.  Ang mga upuan ay tama ang mga espasyo sa isa’t isa.  Hindi lapit-lapit na pakiramdam mo ay napakasikip at kailangan mo lagi makipagsiksikan.  Sa aking pagpunta sa Singapore, natutunan ko kung gaano pahalagahan ng mamamayan nito ang espasyo para sa isang tao.  Laging may palugit upang di magkadikit ang taong magkakatabi. Ito ay para sa akin simbolo ng kanilang respeto sa lugar ng bawat isa.

Namangha ako sa ganitong pilosopiya ng mga Singaporean.  Na ang bawat isa ay nasa lugar at dapat may espesipikong lugar.  Ang upuan na para sa isang tao ay nararapat na para lamang sa isang tao.

Pagdating naman sa kalinisan, mas lalo naman ako namangha.  Naging kultura na nila ang mapanatiling malinis ang kapaligiran.  May mga basurahan sa kapaligiran na sistematikong nakalagay sa lahat ng pampublikong daraanan ng mga tao.

At kahit na naging bukas sila sa iba’t ibang dayuhan, hindi nila kinalimutan ang unahin ang kanilang pambansang kaugalian: ang panatilihing ligtas ang mga mamamayan mula sa sakit, dumi at krimen.

Kung kaya’t ang kanilang batas ay istriktong ipinatutupad sa lahat.  Bawal ang manigarilyo sa lugar na hindi pinahihintulutang manigarilyo.  Bawal ang dumura sa kalye na para sa akin ay nararapat lamang naman na magbigay galang sa mga pampublikong lugar kung saan ang lahat ay makikinabang sa linis, ganda at kaayusan ng paligid.

Isang taon na ang nakalipas nang ako ay nakapunta roon.  Kahit na hindi ako nakakuha ng trabaho doon ay na-appreciate ko ang kanilang hospitalidad sa mga dayuhang tulad ko.  Naramdaman kong ako’y ligtas din tulad ng mga mamamayan nila roon at mga permamnenteng naninirahan na roon.

Natuwa ako na doon ko lamang naranasan sa unang pagkakataon na makapag-shorts na pakiramdam mo ay ligtas ka.  Dahil natural lang doon ang naka-shorts at di ka tititigan.  Mayroon silang “manners.”  Di ko alam kung manners yun ngunit hindi sila yung tipong parang noon lamang nakakita ng legs.  Wala silang pakialam.

Yun ang isa sa mga nagpasaya sa akin doon.  Maliban doon ay napakasarap mag-commute.  Napakaalwan.  Gustung-gusto ko sumasakay sa kanilang bus at tren-ang kanilang MRT at LRT.  Nainggit ako sa sistema ng kanilang lipunan.  Napakaayos.  Gusto ko ang pamamalakad ng kanilang pamahalaan sa pagpapatupad ng kanilang mga polisiya at batas.  Kung tutuusin, sila ay hindi konserbatibo o sobrang istrikto.  Para sa akin, ito ay balanse.

Pagkat ang kanilang lupain ay di tulad ng sa Pilipinas na agrikultural kung saan makapagtatanim ka ng palayan at iba pang mga pagkaing pananim, nakagawa pa rin sila ng mainam na paraan upang maipamalas ang kanilang paggalang sa kalikasan at di sila magutom kahit na wala silang taniman.

Naipamalas nila iyon sa pamamagitan ng paglikha ng mga hardin at parke sa bawat malalaking munisipalidad ng kanilang bansa.  kahit na ang kanilang mga pagkain ay puro imported mula sa iba’t ibang bansa sa buong mundo, nagagawa pa rin nilang maging katamtaman ang presyo ng mga pagkain upang maging risonable sa mga mamamayan nito.

Ang isa pang ikinatutuwa ko roon  ng ay ang makitang ang mga bata ay nagco-commute ng sila lamang sakay ng pampublikong bus.  Sa wari ko’y mga siyam na taong gulang pataas.  Kung sa atin ay nasa antas pa lamang ng elementarya pataas gang high school at kolehiyo.  Yung tipong para lamang nasa school bus ang lahat ng pasahero.  Ganun ang kanilang sistema ng transportasyon.  Tatlo lamang naman ang kanilang pampublikong sasakyang panglupa–bus, taxi, at sa pamamagitan ng tren (rail) na  MRT (Mass Rapid Transit) at LRT (Light Rail Transit).

Sa kanilang pampublikong transportasyon, wala akong masasabi.  Hanep sa ayos.

Sa bus at sa LRT, mayroon silang prepaid card na ginagamit at ang tawag nila rito ay EZ-Link.  Ito ay parang ATM card na itinatapat sa EZ-Link card reader machine sa mga bus at tren pagsakay at pagbaba upang maibawas sa load nito at malaman kung magkano pa ang natitirang load sa card.  Mayroon ding parang ATM Machine sa mga istasyon ng tren na kung saan doon ka magloload ng halaga sa iyong EZ-Link para ipambayad sa pagsakay sa mga pampublikong sasakyang ito.

Kung wala namang EZ-Link ang sasakay, maaari rin namang cash ang gamitin.  Sa bus, walang kundoktor.  Ang tagapagmaneho (driver) ng bus ay tagapagmaneho lamang.  Wala siyang ibang gagawin kundi magmaneho lamang sa mga nakaatas na lugar ng sakayan at babaan ayon sa ruta ng kanyang byahe.  Ang bawat bus ay may numerong nakaatas bilang tanda kung anong ruta ang dadaanan ng byahe nito.

At ang mga pasahero ay alam ang limitasyon kung hindi na sila dapat sumakay dahil puno na.  Sila ang tipong di nakikipagsiksikan, kailangan ay laging may natitirang espasyo na kagagalawan ng bawat isa at di magdidikit ang mga katawan.  Ganito sila kadisiplinado pagdating sa kinalalagyan ng bawat isa.  Tulad na lamang sa kanilang MRT at LRT, ang mga upuan dito ay pang-isa isang tao.  Hindi maaaring umupo at sumiksik sa gitna nito kahit pa kasya kahit man lang ang isang bata.  Ang isang upuan ay para lamang sa isang tao.  At nakatutuwa na kasama sa kultura nila na awtomatikong tumatayo ang mga nakaupo sa upuan madalas sa may sign na pangmatanda o pang-buntis at pang-may kasamang bata kapag may nakita silang nakatayo na doon nararapat umupo.

Dahil sa foodcourt na ito, bumabalik ang magagandang alaala ng aking karanasan sa paglalakbay sa Singapore.  Dito ko lamang naramdaman ang tunay na pakiramdam na ikaw ay ligtas.  Yung kahit iwanan mo ang iyong bag sa mesa ng kainan o sa upuan ay walang kukuha nito.  Minsan nagagawa ko yun dito sa Pilipinas ngunit laging babalik ang aking isip sa pag-aalala na baka nga ito mawala.  Sa ilang beses ko namang nagawa ito, hindi naman nawala ang aking gamit.  Siguro’y sa aking pananabik na magkaroon ng ganoong lipunan dito sa Pilipinas.

Trinoma Landmark Food Court

*Ito ay para sa aking Lolo na yumao na.  Malalim siyang magsalita sa wikang Tagalog pagkat siya ay taga-Mindoro Oriental.  Siya ay laging nagtatalumpati noon sa mga pagtitipon ng aming pamilya at angkan.

 

English

Because I like eating small servings of food, I always eat in food courts.  I really like buying from food stalls that has only a particular food or drinks they sell.  Just like in drinks, my favorite is calamansi and buko.  As much as possible, these are available in the place I’ll dine in and if those two are not available, hopefully, there’s dalandan, four seasons or lemongrass.

Of all the food courts in malls that I’ve been to here in the Philippines, the food court at Landmark Trinoma (in North part of EDSA, Quezon City) is the most beautiful, most neat and has the best service and system for public dining in a shopping mall.

This is one place where it feels like I’m in Singapore.  It almost looks the same in structure.  The chairs have enough space from each other.  It’s not too close to each other that you feel like it is too crowded or you still need to squeeze yourself in.  When I went to Singapore, I learned how its citizens value the space of each individual.  There’s always somewhat a borderline so that their bodies will not be in contact.  For me, this is a sign of their respect for the space of each person.

I was amazed at this kind of philosophy of Singaporeans.  That each has its own space and must have a specific place.  The chair for one person is due for one alone.

On the other hand, when it comes to cleanliness, I was more surprised.  It has become their culture to keep their surroundings clean.  There are trash bins around that are systematically placed in all public places where people pass by.

And even if they are open to foreigners, they didn’t forget to prioritize their nation’s practice: to keep its citizens safe from sickness, dirt and crime.

That is why their laws are strictly implemented to all.  No smoking in non-designated smoking areas.  No spitting on the streets that, in my opinion, it is just right to give respect for public places where all would benefit in its cleanliness, beauty and orderliness.

One year has passed when I went there.  Despite not being able to get a job, I appreciated their hospitality to foreigners like me.  I’ve felt I’m also safe like its citizens and those who are already permanent residents there.

I’m glad because it is there that I first experienced to wear shorts that I felt “safe” since it is natural there that people wear shorts and they won’t stare.  They have “manners.”  I don’t know if it is manners but they are not the type who as if it’s the first time they’ve seen “legs.”  They don’t care.

That is one of the things that made me happy there.  Aside from that, it is so pleasant to commute.  Very convenient.  I especially like riding in their bus and trains—their MRT and LRT.  I am jealous of the system of their society.  Very orderly.  I like how their government runs and implements their policies and laws.  In fact, they are neither conservative nor too strict.  For me, it is balanced.

Because their land is not like in the Philippines wherein it is agricultural—meaning it can be planted with rice and other food crops, they were still able to find efficient ways to show their respect for nature and to have food security even if they don’t have any farm lands.

They have demonstrated these ways by creating community gardens and parks in every major local area in the country.  Even though their food are almost all imported from many different countries in the world, they can still manage to make their food prices reasonable for the citizens.

Another thing that made me happy there is to see the kids commuting on their own riding the public buses.  It seems like they are about 9 years old and up.  If it is in the Philippines, they are in the higher elementary level up to high school and college.  It seems like all passengers are just riding in a school bus.  This is their transportation system.  They only have three public land transportation vehicles—bus, taxi and through rail, which are the MRT (Mass Rapid Transit) and LRT (Light Rail Transit).

In their public transportation, I can say no more.  It is very orderly.

In the bus and rail transits, they have a prepaid card that they use, which they call EZ-Link.  It’s like ATM card that you put over the EZ-Link card reader machine when you ride the bus and trains to debit the fare from your card and to see how much load is left.  There are also ticketing machine in train stations where you can load for your EZ-Link to pay for the rides in the public transport vehicles.

In case a passenger has no EZ-Link, cash can also be used.  In the bus, there is no ticketing crew.  The bus driver is just a driver.  He will do nothing but only drive to designated areas where people can ride or alight according to the bus’s route.  Each bus has a number assigned to it as a sign of the route it will take in its journey.

And the passengers know the limitation if they cannot ride anymore because the bus is already full.  They are the type who do not hustle or push themselves inside just to be a part of the ride even if they are in a rush.  For them, there must always be a space where one can move around and their bodies will not be in contact.  This is how disciplined they are when it comes to the space of each one.  Just like in the trains, the seats there are designed as one seat for one person.  One cannot sit in between even if there is still space for even just a child.  One seat is strictly for one person only.  And it is so pleasing to see that part of their culture is to stand up automatically, which I witnessed many times, to offer the seat intended for the elderly, pregnant, and those with children when one happens to sit there and saw someone who needed to sit down.

Because of this food court, my happy memories of my journey to Singapore flashed back.  This is the only place where I truly felt that I am safe.  The experience that even if you leave your bag unattended on a table in hawkers or chair, nobody will take it.  Sometimes I even get to do that here in the Philippines but it will always come back to my mind that it might get lost.  For a number of times I did this, thankfully, I didn’t lose my things.  Maybe because of my longing to have that kind of society here in the Philippines.

*This is for my grandfather who already passed away.  He is very fluent in Tagalog language for he was from Mindoro Oriental.  He always give a speech whenever we have a family gathering.

Daily Prompt: Magbigay ka ng isang bagay na alam mong dapat mong gawin…ngunit di mo ginagawa

Nang magsimula akong mag-blog, ako’y punung-puno ng siya dahil naramdaman kong masaya ako sa pagsusulat, ang maipahayag ang aking kaisipan at nararamdaman sa mga bagay na aking nararanasan.  May mga panahong gusto kong ,magsalita, ipahayag ang aking pagtingin sa isang bagay ngunit hindi ko alam kung bakit minamabuti kong huwag na lamang magsalita.

Maraming pagkakataon na ganito ang nangyayari sa akin sa panahong laging baligtad ang aking tingin sa isang bagay na pinag-uusapan.  Kahit na sa aking kalooban ay “Iba ang nangangatwiran sa walang katuwiran”, hindi ko pa rin nakasanayang mangatuwiran.  Sa ilang pagtatangka na ginawa ko ito ay lagi akong napapagalitan o marami akong nagiging kaaway.  May ilang beses na ako’y nangatuwiran at ilan ang nakinig.  Natuwa na ako na sa ilang iyon ay may natutunan kami pareho.

Dahil sa ayaw ko ng may kaaway, lagi na lamang akong tumatahimik para wala na lamang gulo.  Lagi akong nagbibigay.  Maparatangan ako o kung anuman, pinalalampas ko na lamang ng hindi na kailangan pang umabot sa kompronta.  May mali rito, alam ko ngunit bakit nga ba pilit isinasantabi ng aking utak ang pangangatuwiran?

Napansin kong tamad na akong mag-isip ngayon di tulad ng dati nung hindi pa ako nagtatrabaho.  Ngayong may trabaho na ako, gusto ko na lamang humilata, manuod ng tv, kumain kung kailangan at matulog.  Kauumpisa ko pa lamang sa bago kong trabaho ngunit hindi ko na maibalik ang tuwid na pagkain ko ng kaunting baboy at kaunting mamantika o “less meat, less oily” na pagkain.  Ang hirap kumain ng gulay na bagong pitas o bagong hiwa lamang pati prutas na siyang paborito kong kainin.

Napansin kong para akong naging tanga o bobo nang ako’y nagsimulang magtrabaho.  Bakit nga ba ako nagtrabaho?  Ah, kailangan ko ng pera para ako’y makapunta sa Singapore at doon magtrabaho at manirahan.  Gusto ko doon magtrabaho dahil gusto ko ng malinis na kapaligiran, payapa at tahimik.  Orihinal ang mga tao at mga nakikita.

Hindi ko malilimutan ang lugar na iyon na kahit magtitinda lamang ng popiah na aking naging paborotiong pagkain doon, isang klase ng lumpiang gulay nila, nakita ko ang kanilang dignidad sa pagtatrabaho.

Ito ang aking inspirasyon.  At ito ang isang bagay na alam kong dapat kong gawin–ang magsulat.

Salamat Daily Prompt.  Napilitan akong harapin ang dapat kong gawin.

English

When I started blogging, I was filled with joy because I felt happy when I write, when I express my thoughts and feelings about my experiences.  There are times when I wanted to speak, express my view on something but I don’t know why I just resort to not talking instead.

There were so many times like this that happen to me and those were times when my view on a matter is totally the opposite.  Even if for me, “One who is reasoning is different from one who doesn’t straighten himself”, I still wasn’t able to practice reasoning to straighten myself in a way.  In a few times that I tried doing it, I was always reprimanded or I had a lot of enemies.  There are a few times that I reason and a few listened.  I was already happy with the few and we all learned from it.

Because I don’t want enemies, I just always keep quiet so that there’s no more fight.  Always, I give way.  Accused of something or whatever, I just let it go to the point where we don’t need any confrontation.  There is something amiss with this, I know, but why is it that my brain keeps on setting aside reasoning?

I observed that I’m getting languid with thinking these days unlike before when I wasn’t working yet.  Now that I have a job, I just wanted to lie down, watch tv, eat when needed and sleep.  I just started with my work but I’m already having a hard time putting back my healthy eating habits of “less meat, less oily” diet.  It’s hard to eat vegetables that are freshly picked or freshly sliced, even fruits, which are my favorite food to eat.

I also observed that it seems like I became stupid or unintelligent when I started working.  Why am I working?  Ah, I need  money so I can go to Singapore to work and live there.  I want to work there because I want a clean environment, peaceful and quiet.  People are authentic in their own way and the sights that can be seen.

I cannot forget that place that even a seller of popiah, which is my favorite food there, their kind of vegetable lumpia, I saw their dignity in their work.

This is my inspiration.  And this is one thing that I know I need to do—to write.

Thank you Daily Prompt.  I was forced to confront what I need to do.

Bakit Ako Nag-blog?

Inspirasyon

Filipino

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagsusulat basta’t ginawa ko lamang.  Sa bawat artikulo na aking ilagay ang aking husay sa pagsusulat, may natutuklasan ako sa aking sarili.  Para bagang ipinakikita nito kung ano ako noon, kung ano ako ngayon at kung ano ako nagiging.

Gayon, ang temang, Takip-silim hanggang bukang-liwayway….

English

Why Did I Blog?

I don’t know why I write but I just did.  With every article I put my writing skills into, I discover something about myself.  It seems it reveals who I had been, who I am and who I am becoming.

Thus, the theme, Dusk to dawn…

Weekly Writing Challenge: Paano ako magpapaalam?

Ang larawan ay mula kay Cheri Lucas.

Filipino

Ito ang una kong naisip.

May dalawang bagay na maaari mong gawin kung ikaw ay lilisan: una, lumisan ng hindi mo hinarap ang iyong mga minamahal na iyong iiwanan; pangalawa, harapin ng buong tapang ang lungkot na iyong mararamdaman kung ikaw ay haharap sa iyong mga minahal bago mo sila iwan.

Para sa akin, parehong kailangan ng tapang rito.  Ang posibilidad sa maaaring mangyari kung ikaw ay magpaalam at hindi magpaalam ay walang hanggan.  Ngunit kung ano man ang iyong piliin, hahayo ka ng may lungkot at alam mong magpakailanman, dala-dala mo ang ligaya na nakapiling mo sila.

Sa buhay, hindi mo alam kung kalian ka hahayo kung minsan.  Alam mo man, hindi mo mawari kung ito ba ay tamang panahon.  Ngunit kapag nagdesisyon ka na humayo, ihanda mo ang iyong sarili sa isang emosyonal na sitwasyon.

Sa larawang ito hindi ko alam kung ang mga karakter ay nagpapaalam o sumalubong sa pagdating.  Sabihin nating nagpapaalamanan ang magkasintahan…

Ramdam ko ang pangungulila nila habang sila ay magkayakap.  Sa pagdating ng maliit na tren at pagbaba ng mga pasahero, kaunting oras na lamang ang nalalabi sa kanilang yakap.  Sa gitna ng hagdan na iyon, nagugunita kong halos nagmarka ang kanilang mga paa at inilagay sa loob ng ginuhit na puso ng isang anghel  sa kongkretong makinis na guhit-guhit na sahig na iyon.

Sa tingin ko ay lagi kong maaalala ang magkasintahan na ito sa bawat pagkakataon na aking mararaanan ang hagdanang iyon kung ako man ay sakaling nakatira doon.  At sa bawat tao na mapapadaan sa hakbang na kung saan magkayakap ang magkasintahan habang nagpapaalam sa isa’t isa ay pakiramdam kong mararamdaman rin nila ang pagmamahal  roon na minarka ng dalawa.  Isang enerhiya na kailanman ay hindi na maaalis pa roon.

Natatandaan kong hindi ako marunong magpaalam.  Lagi na lamang ako umaalis ng hindi ko binibigyang pansin ang paraan ng aking pagpapaalam.  Ang lagi ko lamang nasa isip ay umalis at maging masaya kung saan man ako pupunta.

Hindi ko binibigyang halaga kung ano man ang maramdaman ng mga taong iiwan ko.  Maaaring iniisip ko lamang ang aking sarili ngunit sa likod ng aking isip, gusto kong maunawaan ng mga tao sa aking paligid kung gaano ako kasaya kapag lumilisan at papunta sa panibagong lugar na hindi ko inda kung ano man ang naghihintay sa akin roon.  Basta’t alam ko lamang na puno ng ligaya ang aking katauhan kapag ako ay maglalakbay sa bagong lugar.

Hindi ko alam ang damdamin ng isang magulang o isang kaibigan o kapatid na pakiramdam na mawawalan sila ng isang kasama.  Pagkat para sa akin, hindi ko naman sila nililisan.  Pupunta lamang ako sa panibagong lugar at magiging masaya na mamumuhay roon.  Hindi ko naiisip na maaaring huli na naming pagkikita o matagal kaming di magkikita.  Sa totoo lamang, sa aking loob, “eh ano naman kung matagal tayong magkita?  Ang mahalaga, nilakbay natin ang gusto nating marating.  Alam kong magkikita pa ring muli tayo kung ito ang ipinagkaloob sa atin.”

Kung kaya’t kahit sino man ang umalis sa aking paligid patungo sa malayong lugar, tinatanggap ko.  Napakasaya na umalis ng dala-dala ang araw.  Ang isa kung saan wala kang inaalala, basta’t ang alam mo lamang gusto mong pumunta doon at may isa kang misyon na gagawin.

Napakaikli at napakahaba ng buhay.  Laging magkasama ang kontradiksyon sa buhay ngunit mamimili ka lamang ng isa sa bawat minuto at sandali na mabigyan ka ng pagkakataong mapag-isipan.  Napakaikli dahil hindi mo alam kung kalian ka mamamatay, basta’t alam mo lamang hanggang 100 taon lamang ang maaaring itagal ng tao ngayon kung ikaw ay palarin na umabot pa sa taong iyon.  Napakahaba naman kung gusto mo ng mamatay.

Sabi nga nila, maikli lamang ang buhay sa mga taong masaya; napakahaba nito sa taong di masaya.

Aaminin ko, minsan, ayaw kong nakakakita ng pagpapaalam.    Ayaw kong nakakakita ng emosyonal na sitwasyon.  Naiinis ako.  Hindi ko alam kung nakuha ko ito sa aking ama o talagang ganito lamang ako.

Natatandaan ko nung bata pa ako, hindi ako mahilig magpaalam sa bahay.  Tumatakas ako o basta na lamang umaalis lagi papunta sa barkada o kung saan mang gusto kong puntahan.  Di rin ako tatawag kung gagabihin ako o di makakauwi kung inabot na ako ng hating gabi.  Ang alam ko lamang ay uuwi din ako kaagad.  Ayaw ko kasi ng marami pang sinasabi.  Ayaw ko ng walang tiwala sa akin na kaya kong pangalagaan ang aking sarili, mag-ingat at uuwi ako.

Lagi ko ring nasa isip na ang mga magulang ko ay nandyan lamang.  Ang aking mga kaibigan at kapatid ay nandyan lamang.  Kung kaya’t nang namatay ang aking matalik na kaibigan, hindi ko malaman kung ano na ang reyalidad.  Nabuhay ako na lagi lamang silang nariyan.

Doon ko lamang nalaman na namamatay pala talaga ang tao.  Ngunit pakiramdam ko buhay pa rin siya ngunit wala nga lang dito.  Tuloy pa rin ang buhay dahil di ko pa panahon na pumunta sa ibang dimensyon.  Pinili ng aking espiritu na manatili pa dito sa mundong ito.

Naisip ko, may misyon pa ako.  Maaaring ang pagpapakamatay ng aking matalik na kaibigan ay may kinalaman sa misyong ito.

Hindi siya nagpaalam sa akin o sa amin na pamilya at kaibigan niya.  Naisip ko, ilang beses na siyang nagtatangkang magpaalam bago noon, di lang niya magawa.  Ang hirap magpaalam…

Humanga ako sa kanyang tapang.  Simula pa lamang noon, yung tapang niya ang aking nagustuhan kung bakit kami naging magkaibigan.  Mga babae kaming matapang, parang lalaki pero malakas ang likas na pagiging ina o mapagkalinga.

Ngayon, ang aking pasya ay kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, sisiguraduhin ko na mauunawaan ng mga taong nasa paligid ko ang aking mga desisyon sa paglisan dahil mahilig akong maglakbay.  Buong tapang kong haharapin ang lungkot at saya ng paglisan at pagpapaalam .  Salamat larawan.

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English

How will I say goodbye?

This is the first thing I thought of.

There are two ways you can say goodbye: one, leave without meeting the ones you’ve grown to love; two, face with might the sadness you’ll feel when you meet the people you love before you leave them.

For me, both require courage.  The possibilities of what might happen when you do or don’t say goodbye are endless.  But whatever you choose, you will leave with sadness for sure and forever, you’re going to carry with you the happiness of having been with them.

In life, you don’t know when will you leave at times.  If you do, you don’t even know for sure if it’s the right time.  But if you do decide to leave, prepare yourself to an emotional situation.

In this photo, I don’t know if the characters are saying goodbye or saying hello.  But let’s just say, this couple is saying goodbye…

I feel the loneliness they feel while they are hugging each other.  As the train arrives and the passengers alight, only a few moments are now left for their embrace.  In the middle of those stairs, I imagine their feet almost engraved and put inside a drawing of a heart by an angel in those concrete smooth jagged floor.

I think I’ll always remember this couple whenever I pass by those stairs if I happen to live there.  And for every person who will also pass by in that step where the couple embraced dearly while they say goodbye, I feel like they will also feel the love left by the couple on that spot.  An energy that will remain there forever.

I remember I don’t know how to say goodbye.  I always leave without care with how I say goodbye.  The only thing on my mind is to leave and be happy to where I’m going.

I don’t value the feelings of the people I’ll leave behind.  You may think that I’m selfish but subconsciously, I would like for people to understand how happy I am whenever I leave and go to a new place without regard for what may happen to me there.  All I know is that my whole being is filled with happiness to travel to a new place.

I don’t know the feelings of a parent, a friend or brother or sister who may feel that they are losing someone to be with.  Because for me, I’m not leaving them.  I’m just going to a new place and be happy living there.  I never think that it might be the last time we’ll see each other or it’ll take long before we see each other.  In truth, in my heart, “so what if we’ll not see each other for a long time?  What is important is that we traveled to the place where we want to go.  I know that we’ll see each other again if it is entrusted to us.”

That is why whoever leaves around me to go to a far place, I accept.  It is a very happy feeling to leave carrying the Sun.  One where you don’t worry, knowing only that you want to go to that place and you’ll do your mission there.

Life is too short and too long.  Contradictions are always part of life, always having two sides of the coin; you will only choose one whenever you give yourself the chance to think about it.  It is too short because you don’t know when are you going to die, all you know is that one may only reach until about 100 years old if you are lucky to reach those years.  It is too long for those who wanted to die already.

They say, life is too short for people who are happy; it is too long for those who are not happy.

I will admit, sometimes, I don’t want to see goodbyes.  I don’t want to see emotional situations.  I get irritated.  I don’t know if I got that from my father or I’m just like that.

I remember when I was young, I’m not used to telling people in our house if I’m leaving to go to some place.  I sneak out or I just leave to go to a friend’s house or wherever I want to go.  I will not also call if I’ll be late or if I won’t be able to go home if it’s really late.  I just know I’m still going home soon.  I don’t like too much talk.  I don’t like it when people don’t trust me that I can take care of myself, protect myself and I’ll go home.

All I know is that my parents are just there.  My friends and my brother and sisters are just there.  That is why when my best friend died, I didn’t know what is reality anymore.  I lived my whole life having them around.

That was the only time I learned that people really die.  But I know that she’s still alive, just not here.  Life still goes on because it is not yet my time to go to another dimension.  My spirit chose to still stay in this world.

I just thought, I still have a mission.  It may be that the suicide of my best friend has something to do with this mission.

She didn’t say goodbye to me or to her family and friends.  I thought, there were many times she tried to say goodbye before that, she just can’t do it.  It’s hard to say goodbye…

I admired her courage.  From the beginning, it was her courage that I liked that is why we became friends.  We are women who are courageous like men but have a strong mother instinct or caring quality.

Now, my choice is that no matter what happens, I’ll make sure that the people around me will understand the decisions I’ll make when I leave because I like traveling.  I’ll boldly face the sadness and joy of leaving and saying goodbye.  Thank you photo.